ICONOCLASTIC LOVE

Ever Settled For a Caramel Machiatto?

Most days, I wake up around 5:30.  

I never use an alarm clock - it's like there's a clock inside of me that's keeping up with the time and then awakens me right on time every day.

There's a part of us that never sleeps, right?  Song of Songs 5:2

Typically, my first thoughts are from pretty deep with in and take about 10 seconds.

I take a quick inventory of the day to come - and it's as if my heart is searching all of my appointments of the day to see if there's anything in the day that I can LOOK FORWARD TO!

If there's nothing that comes up - then it's difficult to roll out of bed.

You know - on some days - all I can find to look forward to is an expected phone call - or lunch with someone I care about - or a meeting that has ALOT of potential...

I also found out that I try to schedule things in my day that I know I can look forward to.

These things keep me going sometimes...sorta like a drug... (did I just say that?)... or sorta like an idol... (did I just say that?)... perhaps an emotional crutch that I can lean on in order to "have a good day"...(ok, I'm not liking this!)

The bad thing - is that on days when I don't have anything scheduled, I settle for things even more miniscule - like:

Chick Fil A 4 Pc Chicken Strip Meal.  I'll be driving down the road at 11:00 in the morning...long before I'm really hungry for lunch ... and there will be a few things that I don't really want to do on my schedule - and since there's nothing in my immediate future that I'm looking forward to doing... I SETTLE for fried bird in a box and an hour at the table alone with a good book and some iPhone time!

Late in the afternoon, when I don't have anything else on the schedule - and it's time to go home; i think:  

"If I go home, it's an admission that my schedule is empty" 

or I think:  

"If I go home, I'll have to connect with the reality of kids that want my constant attention..."  on some days, I don't look forward to that so...

I will settle for a Caramel Machiatto, if that's the only thing I can find worth looking forward to.

The challenge is to go into that void inside and ask the question:  "What is it about me that struggles with being Jeff - content whereever I am - and in whatever I'm doing?"

What is it in me that has to find something to look forward to on the "outside of me"?

Just letting you into my world - as I'm growing more comfortable looking forward to what's going on "inside of me".

So Stoked!!!

Ok - you know how you overlook some of the most important things in life and then have an "All of the Sudden" moment...?

I just had one today!

How could I have overlooked the LSU Alumni Dallas Chapter all these years.

Never crossed my mind!

But a friend of mine rescued me from my ignorance today and told me about the LSU Dallas Alumni Crawfish boil in April.

Payin the dues

Buyin the tickets

Getting involved

Getting a crawfish table

Inviting some friends to join me.

Do You Have A Losing God?

I'm currently sitting in the LaQuinta Hotel in Paris, Tx - waiting on 12:00 noon so I can go pick up a check... then head home.  I have a few minutes to share a few things that have been pouring through my soul this morning... most of it is related to the picture above.

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In the picture above - I just spent some time this morning - soaking it all in.

You can either see it as a picture of total weakness or of eternal power. 

It's either a weak man who couldn't save his son holding him in self-centered pity...thinking, "I'm sorry this world is so hard and I couldn't protect you.  I'm sorry I wasn't a good father... bla bla bla..."

Or

You can see it as the greatest source of power, strength, and love known to mankind?

Is the father a loser in your eyes?  A Weakling?  A passive failure?

Take a moment to answer the following questions honestly from your heart:

• Have you ever felt that you were in a losing - never ending - cyclic game called life?
• Have you ever felt like you were following a defeated religion?
• Have you ever dove beyond the surface of your beliefs and wrestled with the option of total submission to a Way of life and faith?
• Have you ever felt like the depths of your failure and sin in life is so filthy that no one can ever know about it or understand you?
• Have you ever felt completely MISUNDERSTOOD BY LIFE?
• Have you ever felt like you were chasing after the wind in the name of faith and hope?
• Have you ever felt like the relationship you had with God was too shallow and superstitious to be authentic?
• Have you ever tried to really connect with God and failed?
• Have you ever dove into the depths of spirituality and faith only to find yourself more powerless and "weak" than you were when you started your dive?
• Have you ever looked at the entire ministry of Jesus and walked away thinking, "What was all of that for?  It seems to have made no difference at all.  It appears that his efforts to be loving and strong ended in failure." ???
• Have you ever been on the brink of giving up hope because the journey of faith has left you powerless at times and feeling alone/crazy/afraid?

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• Have you ever felt really ALIVE?  If so - When?
• Have you ever felt really CONNECTED TO GOD?  If so, what was that like?
• Have you ever felt God's love and perfect protection?
• Have you ever endured hardship willingly as if you were in training?
• Have you ever felt deep in your heart that you were following the only True God and truely believed that there is no other?
• Have you ever deeply repented and walked out the transformation of every pattern of your mind that is contrary to total surrender to God's will?
• Have you ever walked consistently over time in the Way of Christ ... without any reservations to your level of obedience to His voice and Word?
• Have you ever felt like:  "I get it - I'm lovin' it - I'm  FREE?"
• Have you ever felt like:  "I can't believe I get to experience this in my life?  Why me?  I've have to share it?
• Have you ever WALKED...IN...TOTAL...PEACE?
• Have you ever rested really well in the midst of chaos?
• Have you ever found the capacity to praise God with true JOY in the midst of turmoil?
• Have you ever gone a day and won EVERY BATTLE?

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I'd like to submit to you - that the answers to EACH of these questions CAN be a bold YES.

I believe Christ completely understands the depts of all of this.

Jesus' Ministry was a seeming failure, his life appeared to have made no difference, he was naked, murdered, ineffectual, and appeared to be a losing God.

But in his weakness and vulnerability, the world would have the capacity to come to know the love of the Great Compassionate One... The  True God.

The WAY and CROSS of Jesus Christ will ALWAYS remain a scandal of foolishness - uncomprehendable to the carnal mind...especially to those who seek a triumphal Savior and a prosperity gospel.

The season that the world is in today - is a day of triumph - but it's rooted in faith.

Triumph and wholeness belong to you - but you have to fully submit and recieve it day by day... by Faith!

If you're serving a Losing god... then I submit to you that there's a need for you to run uninhibitedly to Jesus and ask Him to reveal to you the True Victorious Father of Life.

Don't hold anything back...He's all powerful and perfect in all his Ways!

"Are we still supposed to fear God?"

Just overheard a couple behind me in Chick Fil A discussing whether or not were supposed to fear God since we're now in Christ.

Where do we start to handle that question?

The husband had alot of answers but I'm not convinced that the wife was buying them.

It seems to me that there's a close relationship between these:

Father God - Friend of God - Fearing God ...

But nothing about God can be understood fully
until the Fatherly Love of God is revealed to
the Heart.

This is the context in which it all is coming
more and more together in my heart.

I Hate You!

I got home around 5:00 today and sat down on the couch beside Sarah to download a bit with her and the kids about how their day went.

Hayden immediately told me that today at 24 Hour Fitness' Jungle Gym - a girl pulled his shirt and told him "I Hate You!"

I asked him to show me what it was like - and he did.

I asked him to tell me how it made him feel: - he said 'It made me angry'.

"Were you scared?" - No

"Were you happy?" - Nooooooo

"Were you sad?"  - No - I was angry at her!

I asked him, "Hayden, who do you think influenced her to say that?  God or the Devil" -  The Devil!

I told him, "Well, I'm going to lead you in a prayer and I'm going to show you how to get the Devil back - are you ready?"

For the first time - Hayden prayed for an "enemy" - and released her of her offense and release his anger toward her - and asked God to help her not be so mean to people anymore.

He doesn't know the girl - but, we're hoping, she'll never be the same!

I love my little warrior!

Are we overconnected

Ok, this is awesome. I know that there are a million cool phones out there, but I have to give some props to the Iphone 3G.

I have a 10:30 meeting and some time to spare before, so I came to Starbucks to read and sink into the day a little.

Meanwile, I noticed this awesome Typepad app on iPhone that allows me to manage Twitter, Facebook, typepad, and probably anything else I want ... From my phone.

I'm beginning to wonder if we're all a bit too connectable?

It's like .... Were the most overly connected - disconnected generation in human history!

3 Things March Madness Means to Me

3. I can start watching College Basketball Again:    This is the only time of the year that I get into College Basketball.  I love the stories that unfolded last year with Memphis, Kansas, Davidson,... fun stuff.  Unfortunately, it looks like my friend Chris Kirby and his Tarheels are going to have alot of fun in round two (assuming LSU beats Butler).

2.  It's time to get the Golf Clubs Out:  Sunday afternoons are actually going to provide me some great background commentary for my naps.  Tiger is not doing to well right now, but I look forward to falling asleep watching him struggle.  Who knows - I may actually get busy playing again this year.

1.  It's CRAWFISH SEASON!!! I think one of Sarah's and my favorite things in this world is sitting down to a table full of big, bright red, well seasoned, perfectly boiled crawfish with potatoes, corn, really good cocktail sauce, and a cup of garlic butter  - with a roll of paper towels, good music, and a load of happy friends.  I can't wait for this!

I'm actually serious about this - we will most likely drive to somewhere in Louisiana over the next month just to eat crawfish with some good friends who know what their doing when they have a crawfish boil.

We're on the look out for the next good BAWL!

Geaux Tigers!

Go Where He Is

I love The Chronicles of Narnia.  

This film series depicts the heart of what I've been going through in my own journey.

For those of you who know me well - you know that I'm pretty crazed about adventure and being on the edge...at times, to a fault.

Out of the overflow of my own personal journey, I actually spent the last 6 months of my time in full-time ministry preaching a series called "The Quest" - I was literally exploring things of God's heart and my own that were just plain frightening to me in the past. 

Tough questions and tough topics always take us beyond routine dead religion...after we survive the purging - cleansing - and dread of renewal. 

Take a moment when you have time to listen to these "Go Where He Is" - MP3 , "The Enemy of the Quest" MP3. 

It's impossible for me to know then what I know now.  I keep going back to these messages because I believe that the Lord was trying to speak something to me at this time... but there needed to be a cleansing inside of me in order for me to actually hear the most important things he wanted ME to hear.

The reason I'm sharing this with you is because I listened to these again yesterday and they just floored me...I wept like a baby at the end and couldn't believe all that the Lord has led me through JUST TO BRING ME TO THIS PLACE right here, right now!  Wow!

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In retrospect - for those of you that I know - He's done the same thing in your life too, hasn't he? 

Did you even have a clue that you'd be where you are today?  Did you even have a clue that the last 2 years of your life would involve all of the twists and turns that you've experienced?

Interesting isn't it?

The journey the Lord has lead us all on has at times - seemed to make "The Bourne Ultimatum" seem like a children's story.

If you had a camera and could follow my life over the past year and if you could see the spiritual background to everything that has taken place - AND - if I could follow your life over the past year and if I could see the spiritual background to everything that has taken place - i think we'd all simply say - WOW, what an EPIC.

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One major part of my journey over the past 2 years has included a powerful ministry in White Settlement, TX.

Take a moment to explore Fellowship of the Sword Ministries.  Over the past year - I've taken two 5 day journeys with about 35 men on a Quest for the Heart of God.  

The first one was my own Quest - wow! 

After my own quest - I experienced great freedom and some of the most intense warfare a human can go through.  By the Grace and mercy of God - I survived and my family survived. 

He kept me - even in the times that i let go.  He never lets go.

The Second one, I was privileged to volunteer and serve 23 other men who were on their own quest.  It was more powerful for me than my own quest.  Our Father has His ways doesn't he?

As you're navigating the site - do whatever the Father tells you to do in response.

I'll be honest with you, during this time, I have experienced the absolute peaks and the deepest valleys of the Human soul in my own personal Quest after the heart of God.

The Quest has been FILLED with deliverance, extreme difficulties, deep pain, success, progress, failures, regret, fear, courage, weakness, strength, shame, honor, forgetfulness, loneliness, friendship, adventure, healing, powerful acceptance, mercy, Great clarity in hearing the voice of God, new found trust in God and people, and power that I was only "sermon material" for me in the past. 

Ready to roll?

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The Father has used this entire 19 months to break me to the point of really seeing that nothing matters more than:

• deeply connecting with the Father's Heart 
• letting him extend his love through you into your marriage and family
• letting everything else be an extension of that core

If you want to really Quest after God's Heart - you probably don't have to travel as far as you think, but you'll end up a long way from where you started.

Here's to the journey.