Many of you are in ministry in one way or another or are preparing to be - so I wanted to share some of the real stuff with you about where I am these days in regards to "missing" and "not missing" being a pastor.
Driving home today - I started thinking about all of the things I miss about being a pastor and being a part of a church family right now and how I can't wait for those things to be 'restored' or 'renewed'.
Sarah and I haven't been connected to a "local church" since October. We visited a few but mostly haven't attended anywhere and definitely aren't deeply connected anywhere... we don't see this changing until we re-locate.
Here are 10 things I miss now but know the Lord will renew and radically restore 100 fold:
(this is not in any particular order)
10. Spiritual Connectedness: I can't wait to get plugged into a healthy Christian family again. I have spiritual friends, but we deeply miss having our whole family connected to a body of believers. Life isn't meant to be lived this way. There's a purpose for all of this - but we long to be in a place where we can connect with a body.
9. People to Belly Laugh and Share Real Joy With: You have to know people deeply in order to laugh hard with them. Uninhibited joy and laughter is a sign of a healthy life. When there's a wound that is still healing - there's always a sense of "are we supposed to be happy right now" when you're around old friends. People are uncomfortable being joyful around us still. It's like "something about all of this just isn't right and I don't have an honest deep laugh anymore."
I'm ready to be so connected with people and restored to "LIFE" again that I'm able to belly laugh with close friends.
8. Phone Calls & Emails - being needed: I know this seems and is shallow - but the Lord really gives you perspective on what matters when you go from getting dozens and sometimes hundreds of emails and phone calls a day - to - a few phone calls and a handful of emails. You learn very quickly what matters in life. You also learn very quickly how you have misplaced your identity in life as a pastor.
Pastors all have struggled with needing and enjoying being needed.
There's a whole lot more to being a pastor than one realizes. When people call you pastor and love you like their pastor - it's a HUGE humbling honor - and very very deflating to lose that honor.
While it's all so "draining" when it's a part of your everyday life - there's also quite a void at times when it's gone.
7. Missional Connectedness & Corporate Evangelism: There's nothing in life like being connected to your life mission and purpose. I miss being a part of leading dozens of people to the Lord with a local body of believers. I miss being a part of the process of sharing the message of Jesus with people and seeing them come to faith in Christ.
I know I could still be doing that - but I'm not right now.
I don't feel led to be a part of that right now - and i miss it.
When you're in transition as we are - it's so easy to lose perspective and feel left out of God's plan. While I know the reality in this - I deeply miss feeling connected in my soul with the purpose of God for my life.
I know in my mind and my spirit that I'm still connected to that mission - but there are times when I feel disconnected because I'm no longer functioning in the same capacity as I used to function. It takes a while to adjust and get clear perspective on it all.
6. Being around a Family of Believers Who Know My Kids and love my wife: I miss seeing my kids run across a sea-like lobby of people who know their name and are interested in their lives and story. I miss seeing people care for Sarah in a way that can only happen in a true spiritual family.
5. Studying and Teaching: I miss pouring over the Word of God, walking into a room, and loving people with the Word of God. I miss the thrill of God teaching me while I teach. It's not the same as simply studying, reading, and listening to God in everyday life. I love that too - but there's something thrilling about the Lord loving people through teaching.
4. Hearing God FOR the Church: Many people aren't aware of this role of the pastor or a pastor in ministry - but it's a HUGE burden and thrilling privilege. God calls pastors into his presence on behalf of a flock of people for the purpose of leadership and ministry.
This is such a rare thing in life - but when God continually opens up the heavens and shares with us what he's talking about - thinking about - and longing to do on the earth - to be a part of that and get to paint pictures of what I see and hear from the Lord is absolutely priceless.
I don't dream like I did when I was a pastor... I listen and seek the Lord through a completely different grid.
It's more about Him these days than it is about "the church" or "ministry". i know that sounds great - but it's such a HUGE shift and very necessary shift. I'm glad it has happened.
3. Preaching & Spiritually Feeding People: I miss loving the Lord through proclaiming the message of hope - being creative - telling stories - motivating people - seeing lives changed - watching the Kingdom grow in front of my eyes & heart. I absolutely love feeding the whole flock and loving them with the Word. I deeply regret every time I took that privilege for granted and miss the deep deep deep joy of loving people with the Word.
2. My Friends: I miss the people on the other end of the phone calls, emails, late night talks, office visits, counseling sessions, meals throughout the week, being in homes, dreaming together,...
1. Corporate Vision : God spiritually gifts people with vision to impact cultures of people. That is one of the most humbling and awesome things in life. Giving that up or losing that is very difficult to transition through. It's hard to continue "hearing" and "seeing" and not being able to do anything about it.
There are many times when I think,... "man, I wish I could do something... say something ... give something..."
But it's not time and it's not the season.
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So - as I process these things and others - it's refreshing to get perspective and learn from it all - and it makes the joy of the next leg of the journey so much sweeter to anticipate.
Here are 5 things that I don't miss:
5. Having an Office: One thing that will definitely change when I re-enter ministry is that I will not spend nearly as much time in an office. There's nothing better than being out in the community and the refreshing nature of local restaurants, hotel lobby's, coffee shops, and lake sides. Being fluid and "out" is 1000 times better than in an office.
4. Being So Consumed With People and Issues: I feel closer to the Lord and my family these days and I think it's because I'm not so consumed with people and pleasing so many people and meeting so many needs. I'm more alive. This doesn't make me glad to be out of ministry - it just gives me perspective on how badly I allowed other people to control my life in ministry.
3. Spiritual and Emotional Strain in my Home: There were a hundred times when I came home over the past few years thinking, "there just has to be another way to do this. Ministry is too good to always be this drained." There were so many political strains that were just impossible to keep away from home. I don't miss the effects of some things I carried with me into my home.
2. Religious Politics: I don't miss the "talk" - criticism - and politics that transpired much of the time in the church world. I don't think this is avoidable at all - I know it's present everywhere you go in ministry and life - I'm simply saying that I don't miss it at all. I'm thrilled to be out of it for a while.
1. Being Gone mentally and physically from Home on Saturday's and Sundays and many nights: I struggled with the maturity to separate it all and be present in the home much of the time - especially on Sundays and often on Saturdays. Even when i wasn't "working on a sermon" I was always always always thinking about it and thinking about the church.
I don't miss being consumed with it.
However - it's still on my mind an awful lot... I think it always will be ... though, it's getting alot better.
Ministry isn't the same to me as it used to be... there's more, so much more to it now!
So sad for the Dallas Mavericks. I thought they MIGHT come back and win last night, but they missed a rebound opportunity and it was over.
June 18-19
